families
Detox your mind
29/12/10 16:01
As the ‘silly season’ winds to a close, you may be thinking about a ‘detox’ after the annual festivities. I can’t offer much advice in the area of liver function, but thought instead I’d offer some suggestions about how to help your mind recover from the tumult of the season.
The whole point of a detox seems to be to spend a short period of time being ‘healthy’, so as to make up for a period of time spent doing ‘unhealthy’ things. So, here are seven ideas for detoxing your mind in the next week or two before work kicks back in:
1. Preserve some old habits. This may be at odds with the idea of taking a break, but it’s a fact that many people find christmas/new year the most stressful time of year, and this is mainly for one reason: all your routines grind to a halt. You will find yourself doing things that you only ever do once a year, and not doing familiar things that you were doing daily, before christmas arrived. Even the absence of simple routines such as getting up and dressed in the morning, or driving the familiar route to work, can add to the mental effort of the holidays. An easy way to reduce this effort is to do what you can to preserve some of these routines. If you find yourself waking up too early or late, or feeling aimless at times, then try going through some of your normal morning rituals, as if you were going to work. You might even (shock, horror!) spend an hour going over your work diary, or reading e-mails, or making mental contact with work in some other way. Such small touchstones can in fact soothe your mind, by re-establishing contact with familiar things.
2. Reduce your caffeine intake. If you drink coffee, switch to decaf for a few days. If you drink tea, switch to herbal (green tea has a lot of caffeine in it too). If you drink coke or energy drinks, you might not be interested in detox regimes in the first place! The benefit of cutting back on caffeine is simply that it will help you relax. You’ll probably find it easier to get to sleep in the evening as well. The effect of caffeine on your brain is a bit like the effect of putting more wood on a raging fire; it will generate more heat and energy, but then you will find that a bigger, hotter fire also keeps needing more wood to maintain its high output. Since you’re not at work, why not slow the process down a little?
3. Balance solo time with family time. One way or another, Christmas time is family time, and the hurly-burly of interactions can take a mental toll. If you’re on holidays with family, make sure you give yourself an hour or two away from everyone, or just with your partner, doing something simple and enjoyable. This will make the family time all the more fun once you return.
On the other hand, If you are missing family this year, then make some time to connect with them, even if it isn’t in person. Write, call, visit a familiar spot. If you get an invitation from someone else around you to do something, accept it, even if it’s not your usual crowd.
4. Use your brain. Human beings are stimulated by productivity. Being on holidays often means the complete cessation of productive activity, and this can eventually lead to boredom or restlessness. By all means, veg out on the sofa or in a banana lounge for most of the time, but do your brain a favour and give it something interesting or stimulating to do once in a while. Cook a nice meal; play a game of cards; do a crossword puzzle or soduku; or for something more social, find a game to play with others.
5. Commune with nature. Most people, when asked to think of a safe or soothing place, think of a nature setting. Some think of a lake, or ocean; some think of a forest or park. What do you think of? Perhaps this is the once time of year that you have the space and time to actually go somewhere like that for an hour or two. This doesn’t have to involve camping or long trips; it can be as simple as taking a rug to a park and lying down under a tree to listen to the birds.
6. Reduce your retail intake. There are bargains galore after christmas, but if you sat down on christmas eve and wrote a list of essential items you needed to buy, how many things would there be on it? Before you dive into the sales, write a shopping list, and then confine your shopping expeditions to those things only. Retail outlets are, by their nature, designed to create conflict in your mind and undermine your capacity to plan and make calm decisions. Shop in moderation.
7. Sleep. The best way to catch up on lost sleep is to go to bed earlier. If you’re planning to stay up on New Years’ Eve, see if you can plan one or more early nights prior, so you’ll be at your partying best on the night. If you have trouble sleeping, there are some tips for getting to sleep here.
I hope you’ve had a rewarding christmas, and wish you creativity, comfort and safety in the new year.
The whole point of a detox seems to be to spend a short period of time being ‘healthy’, so as to make up for a period of time spent doing ‘unhealthy’ things. So, here are seven ideas for detoxing your mind in the next week or two before work kicks back in:
1. Preserve some old habits. This may be at odds with the idea of taking a break, but it’s a fact that many people find christmas/new year the most stressful time of year, and this is mainly for one reason: all your routines grind to a halt. You will find yourself doing things that you only ever do once a year, and not doing familiar things that you were doing daily, before christmas arrived. Even the absence of simple routines such as getting up and dressed in the morning, or driving the familiar route to work, can add to the mental effort of the holidays. An easy way to reduce this effort is to do what you can to preserve some of these routines. If you find yourself waking up too early or late, or feeling aimless at times, then try going through some of your normal morning rituals, as if you were going to work. You might even (shock, horror!) spend an hour going over your work diary, or reading e-mails, or making mental contact with work in some other way. Such small touchstones can in fact soothe your mind, by re-establishing contact with familiar things.
2. Reduce your caffeine intake. If you drink coffee, switch to decaf for a few days. If you drink tea, switch to herbal (green tea has a lot of caffeine in it too). If you drink coke or energy drinks, you might not be interested in detox regimes in the first place! The benefit of cutting back on caffeine is simply that it will help you relax. You’ll probably find it easier to get to sleep in the evening as well. The effect of caffeine on your brain is a bit like the effect of putting more wood on a raging fire; it will generate more heat and energy, but then you will find that a bigger, hotter fire also keeps needing more wood to maintain its high output. Since you’re not at work, why not slow the process down a little?
3. Balance solo time with family time. One way or another, Christmas time is family time, and the hurly-burly of interactions can take a mental toll. If you’re on holidays with family, make sure you give yourself an hour or two away from everyone, or just with your partner, doing something simple and enjoyable. This will make the family time all the more fun once you return.
On the other hand, If you are missing family this year, then make some time to connect with them, even if it isn’t in person. Write, call, visit a familiar spot. If you get an invitation from someone else around you to do something, accept it, even if it’s not your usual crowd.
4. Use your brain. Human beings are stimulated by productivity. Being on holidays often means the complete cessation of productive activity, and this can eventually lead to boredom or restlessness. By all means, veg out on the sofa or in a banana lounge for most of the time, but do your brain a favour and give it something interesting or stimulating to do once in a while. Cook a nice meal; play a game of cards; do a crossword puzzle or soduku; or for something more social, find a game to play with others.
5. Commune with nature. Most people, when asked to think of a safe or soothing place, think of a nature setting. Some think of a lake, or ocean; some think of a forest or park. What do you think of? Perhaps this is the once time of year that you have the space and time to actually go somewhere like that for an hour or two. This doesn’t have to involve camping or long trips; it can be as simple as taking a rug to a park and lying down under a tree to listen to the birds.
6. Reduce your retail intake. There are bargains galore after christmas, but if you sat down on christmas eve and wrote a list of essential items you needed to buy, how many things would there be on it? Before you dive into the sales, write a shopping list, and then confine your shopping expeditions to those things only. Retail outlets are, by their nature, designed to create conflict in your mind and undermine your capacity to plan and make calm decisions. Shop in moderation.
7. Sleep. The best way to catch up on lost sleep is to go to bed earlier. If you’re planning to stay up on New Years’ Eve, see if you can plan one or more early nights prior, so you’ll be at your partying best on the night. If you have trouble sleeping, there are some tips for getting to sleep here.
I hope you’ve had a rewarding christmas, and wish you creativity, comfort and safety in the new year.
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Who gets the burnt chop?
09/12/10 09:32
A man calls his mother. “Mom, and how are you."
" Not too good," says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because, I haven't eaten in 38 days."
" Mama," the man says, "that's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
The family is sitting down to dinner: lamb chops, an Australian favourite. Mum has cooked the dinner, and arrives at the table with a tray full of meat. Who does she give the best cut of meat to? Dad, of course. Other bits are served out to others at the table. There’s a burnt chop at the bottom of the pile. This, it almost goes without saying, ends up on mum’s plate. The kids look at mum’s burnt self-offering, and experience a dilemma created by masochism: How do I, in good conscience, eat my nice chop that mum has slaved over, while mum has to chew on her crappy one? To sit by and let her suffer makes me callous, unloving. How to resolve this? Perhaps I try to swap my portion with mum’s... and mum immediately puts up such a fight for her piece of carbon that eventually everyone gives up, with the impression that she’d rather die than have anyone else endure her terrible cooking.
This masochistic dynamic plays out in families and relationships everywhere. For some, it can make family dinner something to dread. For others, it may over time develop into an entrenched feeling of guilt; how can I enjoy my life if there are people suffering out there? In some cases, this guilt-ridden person may go on to become a mother herself, and in turn fight tooth and nail to be left with the burnt chop from the bottom of the pile.
It is a common stereotype of the masochist that they are self-sacrificing martyrs, who want the other person to have pleasure at their expense. The term ‘masochist’ was first coined in 1883 by German neurologist Richard von Krafft-Ebing, from the name of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, the Austrian novelist who enshrined his submissive sexuality in a novella titled "Venus in Furs." The relationship depicted in this story involves a man asking his lover to make him her slave. Initially she is excited at this game, but eventually finds it tiresome. Early psychoanalytic theorists such as Jacques Lacan insisted that, rather than masochists wanting the pleasure to be in the other, they instead need the other to feel anxious on the masochist’s behalf. The masochist’s anxiety is about not being able to be a free, independent and autonomous human being who can have desires fulfilled. Rather than act to achieve this independence, for example by having someone else cook dinner for them, they hold onto the trapped part of themselves, and project their anxiety into another person - the person who is forced to eat their well-made dinner and watch mother eat her overcooked one.
You may be reading this, and thinking about christmas day get-togethers. Will there be any masochistic moments on christmas day? After all, ‘tis better to give than to receive! So, is there a good strategy to use when dealing with masochists? Well, yes and no. Ultimately, someone has to eat the burnt chop. But maybe someone, perhaps dad, can step in and establish a fairer division of pleasure and pain. One way this fairer deal might be found is by saying “look, I’ll have the burnt chop tonight, and tomorrow night it’s your turn.” That way everybody gets to have a fair share of pleasure and pain.
" Not too good," says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because, I haven't eaten in 38 days."
" Mama," the man says, "that's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
The family is sitting down to dinner: lamb chops, an Australian favourite. Mum has cooked the dinner, and arrives at the table with a tray full of meat. Who does she give the best cut of meat to? Dad, of course. Other bits are served out to others at the table. There’s a burnt chop at the bottom of the pile. This, it almost goes without saying, ends up on mum’s plate. The kids look at mum’s burnt self-offering, and experience a dilemma created by masochism: How do I, in good conscience, eat my nice chop that mum has slaved over, while mum has to chew on her crappy one? To sit by and let her suffer makes me callous, unloving. How to resolve this? Perhaps I try to swap my portion with mum’s... and mum immediately puts up such a fight for her piece of carbon that eventually everyone gives up, with the impression that she’d rather die than have anyone else endure her terrible cooking.
This masochistic dynamic plays out in families and relationships everywhere. For some, it can make family dinner something to dread. For others, it may over time develop into an entrenched feeling of guilt; how can I enjoy my life if there are people suffering out there? In some cases, this guilt-ridden person may go on to become a mother herself, and in turn fight tooth and nail to be left with the burnt chop from the bottom of the pile.
It is a common stereotype of the masochist that they are self-sacrificing martyrs, who want the other person to have pleasure at their expense. The term ‘masochist’ was first coined in 1883 by German neurologist Richard von Krafft-Ebing, from the name of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, the Austrian novelist who enshrined his submissive sexuality in a novella titled "Venus in Furs." The relationship depicted in this story involves a man asking his lover to make him her slave. Initially she is excited at this game, but eventually finds it tiresome. Early psychoanalytic theorists such as Jacques Lacan insisted that, rather than masochists wanting the pleasure to be in the other, they instead need the other to feel anxious on the masochist’s behalf. The masochist’s anxiety is about not being able to be a free, independent and autonomous human being who can have desires fulfilled. Rather than act to achieve this independence, for example by having someone else cook dinner for them, they hold onto the trapped part of themselves, and project their anxiety into another person - the person who is forced to eat their well-made dinner and watch mother eat her overcooked one.
You may be reading this, and thinking about christmas day get-togethers. Will there be any masochistic moments on christmas day? After all, ‘tis better to give than to receive! So, is there a good strategy to use when dealing with masochists? Well, yes and no. Ultimately, someone has to eat the burnt chop. But maybe someone, perhaps dad, can step in and establish a fairer division of pleasure and pain. One way this fairer deal might be found is by saying “look, I’ll have the burnt chop tonight, and tomorrow night it’s your turn.” That way everybody gets to have a fair share of pleasure and pain.