The Blanket
13/10/11 14:58
I’m not going to write about an obesity epidemic. I would, however, like to make a couple of observations about weight loss, based on my experiences working with people who are trying to do it. All of their quotes and comments below have been shared anonymously and with permission.
cautionary note: please do not take the following video seriously...
Fact: Most people who try to lose weight, regardless of the method, are unsuccessful. I once researched the issue as part of a doctoral thesis on people’s unsuccessful attempts to change. It turns out, there is a surprisingly large amount of research data on this topic. If you are interested in the area, and would like to read more, you are welcome to contact me. Basically, it seems that most people around the world who set out to lose weight, or in fact try to change anything about themselves, have very little success. There are many explanations for relapse. But consider this: you are the way you are for good reasons. It’s going to be difficult to change the way you are, without at least an equally good set of reasons.
It is just not realistic to declare that you want to lose weight, and then simply begin a weight loss endeavour on that basis. Do you know why you put the weight on in the first place? Or, to put it another way: Why don’t you want to lose weight?
For some people who are overweight, their body shape and other lifestyle elements (such as overeating or inactivity) seem to provide an important, and much needed, source of comfort. I once heard someone refer to their extra weight as ‘my blanket’. For some people, it seems that their excess weight, and the process of eating, makes it easier to hide from other people. Easier to hide the parts that others might reject, such as anger, or neediness, or vulnerability. It may also enable them to feel more protected from other people’s intrusion, their curiosity, or their judgement. So: In order to successfully lose weight, that individual must first work out how they are going to manage their relationships without the comfort and security of their ‘blanket’.
Of course, for many people who are overweight, their weight itself is no comfort at all; it is a source of real and ongoing anguish. By implying that excess weight allows a person to avoid uncomfortable things, I do not wish to deny the equally uncomfortable aspects of being overweight. I also do not deny that there are important medical and physiological factors leading to obesity. However, I believe that anyone setting out to lose weight weight ignores the psychological aspect of their predicament at their peril. There is an even greater source of anguish than being overweight, and to discover it, you only need to talk to someone who has made a transition from being overweight to being in a lower weight range, for example as a result of bariatric surgery. One individual I spoke to referred to it as going “out of the frying pan and into the fire”. For example, she described how she began to lose her temper more often, and in fact had a permanent falling out with her best friend after their first ever fight, which took place after she had lost 25% of her body weight. Glad of her new body shape though she was, she nevertheless longed for (and eventually had to grieve for) the earlier time, when she was better able to hide her feelings and didn’t have to be “so honest” about them with other people. She felt “mortified” that her thoughts and feelings were “spilling out”. She felt like a burden, and feared that all the people who were closest to her, would now be driven away.
Not losing weight is disappointing. But maybe losing it is even more challenging. I admire anyone who sets out to change something about themself, regardless of their degree of eventual success. If you are thinking about changing something about yourself, make sure that you give some thought to the reasons why the change hasn’t occurred already. If you aren’t sure, than you may find changing harder than you expect. I do wish you the best of luck.
cautionary note: please do not take the following video seriously...
Fact: Most people who try to lose weight, regardless of the method, are unsuccessful. I once researched the issue as part of a doctoral thesis on people’s unsuccessful attempts to change. It turns out, there is a surprisingly large amount of research data on this topic. If you are interested in the area, and would like to read more, you are welcome to contact me. Basically, it seems that most people around the world who set out to lose weight, or in fact try to change anything about themselves, have very little success. There are many explanations for relapse. But consider this: you are the way you are for good reasons. It’s going to be difficult to change the way you are, without at least an equally good set of reasons.
It is just not realistic to declare that you want to lose weight, and then simply begin a weight loss endeavour on that basis. Do you know why you put the weight on in the first place? Or, to put it another way: Why don’t you want to lose weight?
For some people who are overweight, their body shape and other lifestyle elements (such as overeating or inactivity) seem to provide an important, and much needed, source of comfort. I once heard someone refer to their extra weight as ‘my blanket’. For some people, it seems that their excess weight, and the process of eating, makes it easier to hide from other people. Easier to hide the parts that others might reject, such as anger, or neediness, or vulnerability. It may also enable them to feel more protected from other people’s intrusion, their curiosity, or their judgement. So: In order to successfully lose weight, that individual must first work out how they are going to manage their relationships without the comfort and security of their ‘blanket’.
Of course, for many people who are overweight, their weight itself is no comfort at all; it is a source of real and ongoing anguish. By implying that excess weight allows a person to avoid uncomfortable things, I do not wish to deny the equally uncomfortable aspects of being overweight. I also do not deny that there are important medical and physiological factors leading to obesity. However, I believe that anyone setting out to lose weight weight ignores the psychological aspect of their predicament at their peril. There is an even greater source of anguish than being overweight, and to discover it, you only need to talk to someone who has made a transition from being overweight to being in a lower weight range, for example as a result of bariatric surgery. One individual I spoke to referred to it as going “out of the frying pan and into the fire”. For example, she described how she began to lose her temper more often, and in fact had a permanent falling out with her best friend after their first ever fight, which took place after she had lost 25% of her body weight. Glad of her new body shape though she was, she nevertheless longed for (and eventually had to grieve for) the earlier time, when she was better able to hide her feelings and didn’t have to be “so honest” about them with other people. She felt “mortified” that her thoughts and feelings were “spilling out”. She felt like a burden, and feared that all the people who were closest to her, would now be driven away.
Not losing weight is disappointing. But maybe losing it is even more challenging. I admire anyone who sets out to change something about themself, regardless of their degree of eventual success. If you are thinking about changing something about yourself, make sure that you give some thought to the reasons why the change hasn’t occurred already. If you aren’t sure, than you may find changing harder than you expect. I do wish you the best of luck.
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