Dec 2007
A resolution
31/12/07 23:59 Filed in: Change
"This year, my only resolution is to stop making new year's resolutions," a friend declared recently. She said that she was sick and tired of making promises to herself that she couldn't keep. It turns out she's not alone: according to many psychology researchers, you are more likely than not to fail if you attempt to change an aspect of your behaviour, such as smoking, or exercise, or brishing your teeth. Soberingly (or not), researchers in areas ranging from dieting to depression to drinking now ackknowledge relapse as the norm. Five years ago this led American researchers Janet Polivy and Peter Herman to coin the rather disheartning term 'False Hope Syndrome' to explain our tendency to repeatedly fail in our attempts to change. According to Polivy and Herman, you approach the change you want to make to your lifestyle in completely the wrong way. You start by picking something really hard to change, like smoking, or eating, or gambling: something that has been a satisfying part of your life for many years. You then give little or no thought to exactly how you will fill the void that is left gaping once you have somehow miraculously shed all the ritual behaviours involved in your chosen vice (try going to your favourite pub and NOT drinking allong with your friends). You start off with the best will in the world - full of motivation, optimism, and great expectations - and then reality strikes. It becomes too hard, and, like 95% of new year's resolutions, is abandoned by the end of January... until the end of the year when you go and make the same resolution to change all over again. "I was so close this time, next year it’ll be easier..."
According to Polivy and Herman, we tend to interpret such failures "in such a way that that failure is seen as far from inevitable". In other words, when our hopes for change are dashed to oblivion on the rocks of reality, we comfort ourselves by saying that "it was only a small snag, it will be much easier next time". We keep on keeping-on, dismissing each repeated failure as just another worthwhile step towards living happily ever after as a size eight.
Five years ago, my friend decided to quit smoking. She now says that the hardest part, and the part she never expected, was the impact that not going out to the front of the building for a ciggie would have on her work relationships. She went from knowing all the office gossip, to knowing none of it. This, in turn, presented renewed temptation, as she had lost something important along the road to maintaining her resolution. To her credit, she has now all but quit, but maintains that making the change was not what she thought it was going to be.
In 2008, I encourage you to make only one New Year's Resolution: Be more realistic about change. But how? And what does real change, successful, 'pick-and-stick' change involve? How do you insure yourself against the dreaded false hope, and the smug “I-told-you-so” of friends, family and Polivy and Herman? First, you need to be realistic about what you want to change. There's no such thing as a free lunch, particularly if your resolution is to lose weight. Change specialists (often referred to as 'Psychologists'), know that in reality, change is a slow process – or at least slower than you expect. If you use something as general as what you eat from day to day, as a way to change something as specific as your body weight, you probably won't get immediate results. It won’t happen overnight, in fact, it probably won’t happen over several weeks… but it will happen. Hang in there. As well as being slower than you anticipate, it is also harder than you think. You can’t just change one part of your life without dragging other elements of your life along with it. Change your diet and next time you go out to dinner your friends may notice, and mention it. Some might even try to sabotage your efforts (“go on...you can make an exception just this once for us, can’t you?”), placing an unexpected new pressure on your worthy ambition. In case you thought this wasn’t demoralising enough, it turns out that we’re also very bad at predicting just how many things will need to change in order for us to get to where we want to be. Ask someone who’s just moved house if they knew in advance all the tasks that would be involved, and they’ll almost certainly say that they didn’t, “but we got there in the end”.
And this is the final reality check for those of you still sufficiently motivated to make a change: even if you succeed in making the change you want, you won't necessarily live happily ever after because of it. Permanent change requires on-going maintenance. If, after reading this, you are still determined to make a New Year’s resolution, do yourself and your chances of success a favour. Make your goal realistic – for example, try losing only 5kgs instead of 20. Expect the unexpected. Take your time, and don’t give up at the first hurdle. If at first you don’t succeed, change your expectations. It will be worth it in the end.
Ref: Polivy, J., & Herman, C. (2002). If at first you don't succeed: False hopes of self-change. American Psychologist, 57, 677-689.
According to Polivy and Herman, we tend to interpret such failures "in such a way that that failure is seen as far from inevitable". In other words, when our hopes for change are dashed to oblivion on the rocks of reality, we comfort ourselves by saying that "it was only a small snag, it will be much easier next time". We keep on keeping-on, dismissing each repeated failure as just another worthwhile step towards living happily ever after as a size eight.
Five years ago, my friend decided to quit smoking. She now says that the hardest part, and the part she never expected, was the impact that not going out to the front of the building for a ciggie would have on her work relationships. She went from knowing all the office gossip, to knowing none of it. This, in turn, presented renewed temptation, as she had lost something important along the road to maintaining her resolution. To her credit, she has now all but quit, but maintains that making the change was not what she thought it was going to be.
In 2008, I encourage you to make only one New Year's Resolution: Be more realistic about change. But how? And what does real change, successful, 'pick-and-stick' change involve? How do you insure yourself against the dreaded false hope, and the smug “I-told-you-so” of friends, family and Polivy and Herman? First, you need to be realistic about what you want to change. There's no such thing as a free lunch, particularly if your resolution is to lose weight. Change specialists (often referred to as 'Psychologists'), know that in reality, change is a slow process – or at least slower than you expect. If you use something as general as what you eat from day to day, as a way to change something as specific as your body weight, you probably won't get immediate results. It won’t happen overnight, in fact, it probably won’t happen over several weeks… but it will happen. Hang in there. As well as being slower than you anticipate, it is also harder than you think. You can’t just change one part of your life without dragging other elements of your life along with it. Change your diet and next time you go out to dinner your friends may notice, and mention it. Some might even try to sabotage your efforts (“go on...you can make an exception just this once for us, can’t you?”), placing an unexpected new pressure on your worthy ambition. In case you thought this wasn’t demoralising enough, it turns out that we’re also very bad at predicting just how many things will need to change in order for us to get to where we want to be. Ask someone who’s just moved house if they knew in advance all the tasks that would be involved, and they’ll almost certainly say that they didn’t, “but we got there in the end”.
And this is the final reality check for those of you still sufficiently motivated to make a change: even if you succeed in making the change you want, you won't necessarily live happily ever after because of it. Permanent change requires on-going maintenance. If, after reading this, you are still determined to make a New Year’s resolution, do yourself and your chances of success a favour. Make your goal realistic – for example, try losing only 5kgs instead of 20. Expect the unexpected. Take your time, and don’t give up at the first hurdle. If at first you don’t succeed, change your expectations. It will be worth it in the end.
Ref: Polivy, J., & Herman, C. (2002). If at first you don't succeed: False hopes of self-change. American Psychologist, 57, 677-689.
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